Monday, September 24, 2012

Look Mom, Herpes!

It must come from years of too much chemistry and biology, but for some reason Zach thinks it’s romantic to give me little plush dolls in the form of magnified STDs and other germs for special occasions.  Over our marriage we’ve amassed a collection of six ranging from Chlamydia to Mononucleosis. The dolls all come in the shape of the cell, blown up a million times, complete with a detailed description. They are cheerfully lined up on the top shelf of one of our bookcases and make for great conversation starters.
From left to right: Chlamydia, Mono, Herpes, Black Death, Mange, Egg and Sperm
Until we had one of our new neighbor families over for dinner I didn’t realize that they are the only thing that even remotely resemble toys in our house (we don’t have a super kid-friendly environment yet).  Just our luck, the four year-old in the family is a genius child, the type that memorizes everything he reads: maps, anatomy books, and even video game handbooks.  I was hurrying to get food on the table when I suddenly heard, “Look Mom, it’s Mono!  The kissing disease!”  

Oh no.  While apologizing profusely we quickly gather up all the plushies and shoved them away.  But the damage had been done.

As we ate, Zach looked over to where the kids were drawing on the floor and made the mistake of asking what the genius child was drawing.  Matter-of-factually, he responded,

“It’s a sperm cell, attached to an egg cell.”

It all went downhill from there.

At the end of the night he proudly presented us with a picture of all six of our cells, including a label, small description, and with added accessories that they might need on their upcoming adventures.

I have no doubt that our apartment has now been labeled “off-limits” for all small children in our complex.