Thursday, December 29, 2011

We'd like to think we're hardcore...

... but really, we just ride on the coattails of other people's coolness.

For Christmas my nordic-blooded brother gave us a trip to the shooting range and permission to use his blue-steel beauty.  It was empowering.

I used to wonder why in the movies all the bad guys were such bad shots.  Now I know.  It is HARD to aim those things and then when you think you've got it just right there's a sudden kick-back.  I now feel like I can relate to the poor StormTroopers in Star Wars, although I'm not sure laser guns present the same issues.
Zach: Poor StormTroopers.  At least they had that sweet armor that deflected even Ewok arrows.   Oh, wait...

 I've heard rumors that women tend to be better shots than men.  Alas, this was not the case.  Zach in all his macho glory whupped my trash.

Zach: One of the few things I've ever beat Clarissa in, I assure you.  My chest shots on my man target ensured low misery and a merciful kill.  That said, if it had been a zombie horde, its no wonder that studies have shown that 73 percent of wasted ballistic wounds come from some type of handgun (The Zombie Survival Guide, pg 48).  That means more time at the range and more reason to own a machete.

Thanks for the sweet Christmas present Hans! 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

I didn’t know it when I married him, but Zach is a total Grinch when it comes to certain aspects of Christmas. 

Take, for example, decorating the Christmas tree.  Tree decorating is a near sacred ritual in my family.  Each person receives an ornament every year that represents something we’ve done or a place we’ve gone.  We gather around with eggnog, peppermint cookies,  and the Kurt Bestor Christmas album and line all our ornaments up by year and put them on the tree in order as we tell the story behind them.  Warm fuzzies abound.

I thought it was huge treat when I told Zach that we could decorate the Christmas tree a few weeks ago.  His response was that I could decorate if I wanted, but he was going to study.  “Oh, and by the way I’m sorry but I drank the eggnog and cookies are probably just unnecessary calories.”

Little girl heart full of Christmas joy and happy memories = BROKEN.
 Zach: Just so you know, I went out and bought more eggnog.

Turns out Zach doesn’t like Christmas shopping, reenacting nativities, or chocolate dipping. According to him, putting up decorations is only half a step up from doing the dishes.  Talk about a heart being three sizes too small.

There is, however, one tradition that we both enjoy.  Every year my family takes a trip up to Salt Lake to see the lights on Temple Square, stay at the Little America Hotel, eat the breakfast buffet in the morning (in my opinion the best part) and see “A Christmas Carol” at Hale Center Theater.

The Little America has perhaps the finest breakfast in all of Utah.  Continental eat your heart out.

The Little America. Much like the Grand America. Only half the price, at the cost of nation's finest commodes.

The Hale Center Theater.
Zach: After fine dining, and watching the stirring performances at the Hale Center Theater (Clarissa: honestly, I cried at least three times during the play, and I caught my 6'6" hulk of a man brother doing likewise), my small heart (or belt) grew four sizes that day.  I should now have strength of 10 Grinches plus two!

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Our Christmas Card To You

We wanted to send out Christmas cards this year, we really did.  All the cool people do it, and we desperately want to be cool like that. 

Randy, the ever-loving, patient, and talented photographer graciously took our festive picture and I was quickly snookered in by Vistaprint's cheap inexpensive showcasing of his talent.

$0.50 a pop?  We're all over that. 
Oh, a $5 picture upload fee?  I guess that's fine.

I think not.
Zach: you know we love you guys, but...

The thing is, we spent two days of extreme effort composing the four-line rhyme on the back, and I could NOT let all that work go to waste.  So, for your enjoyment, we present to you...


Now, squint your eyes, and pretend that you're holding a 100% recycled material matte-finish card in your hands, fresh from a hand-addressed envelope that arrived a full week before Christmas.

We love you guys!  Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

A Devious Plot

Zach and I have adorable nieces and nephews.  Like really cute.  So, in an effort to steal them away while they are still in their tender years, we are slowly addicting them to caffeinated, sweet drinks.  We are thereby attempting to make them associate us with a delightful, sugary surge of sensation.

Zach: I  couldn't figure out why he was sucking so intently
on the bottle until I realized there was a small, but well-utilized leak.
 If we do this long enough hopefully they'll choose to come live with us.  In the meantime, they fulfill the first major purpose of a blog: cute baby pictures.