Tuesday, September 10, 2013

All is vanity

Helloooo there.  Who is that devilishly handsome babe in the mirror?  Why, it’s that same blackguard that head-butted me in the nursing lounge on Sunday!  I was simply trying to get better acquainted and the bloke took it much too seriously.  Luckily my screams carried clear through the whole building, alerting everyone to the presence of a head-butting maniac with some bizarre mismatched outfit on.  His mother probably hadn’t counted on him pooping his pants during Sacrament meeting and then realizing that the “backup pants” were actually another pair of pooped pants from the day before.

Hold on a moment… I pat the adoring Dadslave, and he pats the Dadslave… could that be me? 

Huh, I thought I was chubbier than that.  It’s all anyone ever tells me- “Oh Eli, you’re so squishy.  Eli, you’re so soft”.  Ha.  Shameless flattery. 

Oh well, at least I have decent hair for a change- not that patchy baldness that matched  mom.  Her hair is EVERYWHERE in here, come to think of it.  How does she even have any left on her head for me to yank on?  I guess when it’s all gone there’s always her earrings.

And look! There’s a tooth!  So that’s why mom has suddenly become so dreadfully keen on weaning me.  Well, the jokes on her.  With formula and mashed sweet potatoes in my stomach I can cause ever so much more unpleasantness in the diaper region.  I’m rather proud of the expressions of horror I’ve managed to procure from her in the past few days.

There’s the mother now.  Hello darling, care for some drool?

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