Quirks: A Rebuttal

So for our anniversary Clarissa decided to write Marriage, a Study of Quirks, where she attempted to malign my good name by putting the label of "quirky" on activities that most any reasonable and kindhearted soul would do.  For my "rebuttal" post, I initially thought I would just evilly say "Clarissa is perfect, there is no quirk about her" and let her writhe in her own guilt.
But, upon recollection, while my initial reaction is actually closer to truth than I would care to admit, I have thought up a couple of doozie quirks that one may find in one's spouse when married.

The Tester:
From what I hear, this is a common enough quirk among the spouses of the fairer gender.  So... Clarissa and I have been married a couple of months and we have moved out to Washington D.C.  I think things are coming along swimmingly, and surely Clarissa feels the same way.  Little did I know that trouble had been brewing in the bathroom, and that the last couple months I have been some sort of strange test subject of an experiment.  Clarissa has been getting the TP "roll" each time it was needed and setting it kindly on the toilet for easy access (I typically use the roll down to the last few scraps, very useful in emergencies...)  I was very grateful.  Little did I know... IT WAS A TRAP!  She's been placing the roll on the toilet for the past two months SPECIFICALLY to see if I would take it and replace it in it's rightful position on the hangy thing.  So... I failed.

                                   Proper TP Location =)                     Improper TP Location =(

I have since taken great care in noticing the temporal location of toilet paper.  I have also noticed that this sort of thing (wife tests) occurs quit often.  A bathroom will go without cleaning for 3 weeks waiting for inspection.  Failed. (my unclean bathroom tolerance threshold is about 6 months; Clarissa's is apparently about 3 weeks...).  A meaningfully placed (but still easily stepped over) vacuum next to the un-vacuumed carpet for a month.  Failed.  An unannounced anniversary.  Did you know this test comes once a year?

The funny thing is, when I pass the tests that really are useful, such as how to shout and throw the shampoo bottle at the person pulling back the shower curtain (useful to confuse a zombie in the case of a zombie apocalypse), she's really not all that impressed.  Go figure, huh?

Plant rescue instinct:
 Have you ever seen the pet rescue billboards with the cute puppy dog eyes starring out at you?  Well, if that was a plant, Clarissa would be hooked from the get go.  As we pass drooping plants at the grocery store, Clarissa gets her nurturing look and tells me we must get the plants because "they'll die without me".  I typically tell her that because of a general anti-green thumb aura I seem to give off they'll probably die with her too.  Still, we've "rescued" a couple plants so far (from the evil Macy's), and miracle of miracles, one has survived and thrived under Clarissa's care.  Yay!

Well, That's about it for now.  I honestly do have more Rissa quirks (although she is pretty darn close to perfect in many ways) but this is a pretty long blog already, so maybe next anniversary.

Marriage, a study of quirks

 We are at that age in life when there's always some friend or relation getting married, and we are often asked for advice, or what the weirdest part about being married is.  So, in honor of our Two Year Anniversary this week, we are spilling it all!
 
I now present you with...

Zach's Top 5 Weirdest Quirks

#5: Zach does not appreciate having his food mixed while cooking.  When making spaghetti, I am not allowed to use the same spatula to stir the sauce as to stir the noodles, even if we're going to mix it together before eating it anyway.  Apparently, while not necessarily harmful, it is "unprofessional"

#4: When we were first married, I tried to make Zach's lunch every morning like a good little wife.  A few weeks after school started, Zach got up the courage to tell me that while he appreciated me making his lunch, I was doing it "wrong".  There was simply not enough peanut butter on the sandwiches.  So I added more, then more again, and STILL more.  This boy loves his peanut butter to an insane degree.

#3: I am often accused of "hiding" things that Zach left out.  He's very good at keeping track of what section of the floor he put his shoes, pants, shirts etc on for use later on.  It must slightly creep him out to find that they've magically made their way to the closet. 

#2: We keep a laundry basket handy in our room at all times, but for some reason it's easier for Zach to drop his dirty clothes on the floor as opposed to the basket that's a foot away, even though the distance from hand to landing is shorter.  Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Exhibit A:

#1: The strangest quirk that I have discovered so far is the Empty Container Quirk.  Zach will use up something (a box of cereal, a gallon of milk) down to the last few crumbs or drops and then place it BACK into the refrigerator or the pantry supposing that it will magically refill itself.  Wha...?

These funny little quirks make me (and apparently everyone else) love my man to pieces.  Thanks for the best two years babes!

Livin' the sweet life

It is tradition around New Year in the United States to find some way to torture yourself for a few months (or a few weeks) before losing interest and going back to the old blissful self.  For some people it's learning a couple new languages, others P90X while doing a 100 day fast, stubbing your toe daily, running marathons, etc.  The only connotation is that must be painful and easily discontinued if you decide not to proceed with said activity.  I'm not sure how this tradition came about, but it is probably as a result of long-lived and misunderstood dare.

This brings us to Clarissa and I earlier this year.  Her family is a big proponent of this dare thing, and suggested this time to do a "no sugar" diet for the first three months of the year.  Being the strong, capable man I am, I was easily cowed into joining this sugarless cult in support of my wife.  Bacon was still allowed, and I doubt there will be a high number of sugary items in the case of a zombie apocalypse, so yeah, I'm in.  No pain, no gain, right?

Well, if anyone wants to see the results of the no sugar diet in graph form, you can see the results right here.  Clarissa was a warrior, and a fine competitor.  But if you notice, their are a few spots where I really gave her a run for her money.  I cite day 02/21 and 03/04 in particular.   I'm sure she'll recover though.

In the end, I think both Clarissa and I both learned some things about a no-sugar diet.  I list them in order below:
Zach:

• It's the 21st century, I consider myself enlightened enough to forgo goal setting.
• The best way to sneak sugary items is while at school.
• Don't tell wife about snuck sugary items

Clarissa:

• It doesn't get any easier as you go along.  Day 90 was just as hard as Day 1.
• Sugar-free ice cream is amazing if you find the right kind
• Sugar-free ice cream is a laxative.
• I DID lose weight, but I would rather have exercised more than miss Tawny's amazing desserts
• There is a BAD rebound period afterwards.  As pictured below, we've been going all out around here:

The Easter Bunny was kind this year.  Too kind.

For the record, Zach can fit 21 marshmallows in his cavernous mouth.

Clarissa can only fit 10.

 In the end, I think there will still be Twinkies in a zombie apocalypse.

Before there were soccer moms...

... there were Jiu Jitsu wives.

Zach has a new hobby, and he is GOOD at it.  Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is a form of grappling that involves mostly wrestling with the intent to gain submissions by either cutting off the opponents air or straining their limbs until they "tap" out.  If you discount all the weird flailing and grunting, it's quite the gentleman's sport.

With his background in wrestling, Zach is an excellent Jiu Jitsuer.  His first tournament was a few weeks ago, and although I've been forbidden to say he was "giddy with excitement" and didn't sleep well the night before, I will tell you that I've never seen that boy so hyped up.

Unfortunately the memory card with all our pictures from the matches got corrupted, but here's a general idea of what goes on:

Zach would like to add the disclaimer that he beat this guy previously, and was
not always belly up.

They usually both end up pretty sweaty and exhausted by the end, but only Zach ended up as the victor.  My man won all his matches and became division champion.

To show how in tune these guys are with their competitors, they award 1st place
with a wooden katana instead of a medal.  Legit.

He has asked that we now all address him as "JJC", "JJChamp", or straight up "Jiu Jitsu Champion".

All hail.

Sticker art

It's confession time: Zach and I slept through church yesterday.  Oh yes.  I'm afraid that the late night spring break party atmosphere mixed with daylight savings did not bode well for 8:30 Sacrament Meeting.

But before you worry for the eternal welfare of our souls, know that we DID go to the Judkins' family ward at 1 pm.  There we rediscovered the joy of family wards.  Specifically family wards with Jaxton.

Of course I was being ultra reverent when I looked up to see a chubby hand waving a sticker in my face.  This little man brushed my bangs to the side and planted "I know my Savior Lives" right between my eyes.  Flattered, I looked down the pew to see that all eight of us were thus adorned (except for Zach- as the favorite uncle he got three stickers) right as the Sacrament came down our row.  Jax then wandered back down the pew, peeling them off our faces and sticking them on his own.

I can't wait to have kids in church.  Who needs Quiet Books when you've got stickers?

Gypsy bare knuckle boxing champion

There is no doubt in my mind that I married a macho man.  Zach is into the weight-lifting scene, the ‘torture your tongue with hot foods’ thing, the ‘going on freezing campouts in your shorts’ thing, and especially the ‘watching other guys fight it out to see who the toughest man alive is’ thing. 
Because I was young and naïve, I thought that as soon as we got married Zach’s interests would fade and turn into MY interests and I would never again have to listen to another breakdown of the latest MMA fight or watch another preview for the WORLD’S GREATEST MATCHUP of two of the BIGGEST HULKING MEN with the WEIRDEST TATTOOS AND SHAVING PATTERNS I have EVER SEEN.

I was, of course, wrong.  And I’ve learned not to fight it.  In fact I’m now a facilitator/victim of Zach’s craze.  After getting him a punching bag and boxing gloves for Christmas I’m in constant danger of attack, especially with his latest fave: Jiu Jitsu.  It turns out that BYU has a Jiu Jitsu club that meets twice a week, and when Zach wants to practice what he learns, guess who’s conveniently next to him on the couch/floor/chair/bed?   Yeah, I’ve learned to tap out before he even gets his arm around me.

Zach: Just so you know, I'm ticklish, and Clarissa is not.  She is not as defenseless or innocent as she makes herself out to be, and has already "tapped me out" more times than I can count or would care to divulge...

This new club is fun, but it’s definitely taking its toll (which I think only makes Zach feel all the manlier).

The beautiful eye coloring

What, you can't see that Zach is getting cauliflower ear in his right ear?  Neither could I and I didn't believe Zach every night when he'd shake his head back and forth trying to get me to see the comparison.  Apparently it's "thicker".  Whatever you do, do NOT look up home treatments for cauliflower ear.  So disturbing.

Zach: It really is.  And about the cauliflower ear paranoia, I'm a little vain, what can I say?  With looks like mine, can you blame me?

Zach may be decreasing his life expectancy, but he has already started preparing the next generation of manly Judkins:

Zach sharing his mad moves with Isaac

What can you say about this picture?  It's just so awesome!
Max is already well on his way to becoming Captain America.

Elder Magleby: Now Accepting Applications

Today I realized that it's been a while since we've blogged.  And interesting blogs will probably be a long time coming because to be perfectly honest, our lives are not that fascinating right now.  Yes, good and interesting things are coming, but for the moment we're just in the middle of one of those semesters that make all you graduated people grateful you're not in school anymore.  If you happen to stop by the Judkins household you'll find us staring at chemical structures and maintenance manuals until our eyes give out.  Every.  Single.  Day.

So!  To make up for our current terribly consistent and dull lives we're featuring a true warrior this week on BJC:

Here, in semi-warrior attire is the one and only Elder Austin Magleby, who just hit his ONE YEAR MARK this last week.  This studly young man is serving it up on his mission for the LDS Church in Indianapolis, IN and I couldn't be prouder of the kid.

 It may be because I'm big sister, but I personally think he's tremendously handsome, smart, talented and funny.  Not to mention super spiritual- c'mon, just look at the spiritual aura emanating off him.  Like Nephi- large in stature (his aura I mean...).

I am now accepting applications for any young ladies who would like to write such a fine specimen of a missionary.  Please send me your resume and head shot for consideration.